So, this weekend was so - so. I didn't have any anxiety on Saturday which was amazing! But then sunday i woke up with the old familiar anxiety pangs. And then this morning too. I've been able to kind of go with the flow and I'm trying not to give them too much importance. I guess it's kind of working, but I'm still finding it hard. I just get so tired of feeling anxious all the time. So, Saturday was great - it was a nice break. So I'm starting to realize that my anxiety seems to crop up when I'm feeling stressed. (I know what you're thinking - sail away captain obvious, sail away). But, my point is that it seems to come around even when the stress is relatively minor. I've also realized that my moving to London sort of 'broke the seal' or what have you. I mean, I never really experienced anything particularly stressful before I came here, so I never had anxiety or panic (not to the degree I do now I mean). Moving to London was a huge shock to my system. It was my first panic attack ever. And ever since then it seems like that's how my body physically reacts to anything stressful. It's hard to define what's stressful. I think also, it went unchecked for quite a while, so perhaps it got a bit out of control before I really understood it. I guess that's what I'm trying to do now. Understand it so I can be less afraid and then I'm less likely to get caught up in the downward spiral... More soon :)

My anxiety background

So, I basically never experienced any anxiety until I was 23 years old. I can't believe that it's been almost ten years that I've been fighting off anxiety. Up until the age of 23, I lived life in South Carolina, USA, blissfully unaware of the existence of panic attacks and major anxiety. That all changed, however, when I moved to London, UK. I've spent the last ten years doing a number of things to try and figure out why I have panic attacks and how my anxiety started and why I didn't have any before I moved here. I've definitely got my theories, which I will save for later. My anxiety has been a roller coaster ride, as I imagine it is with most anxiety sufferers. Sometimes, I forget I even have an anxiety issue. Sometimes, it's my constant, faithful companion - blearrrghhhh. I just get so frustrated that just when I think I've got it beat, it can come sneaking up behind you like the bad dead villain in a movie for one last scare. Too bad I can't get paid for the number of times I write anxiety in one blog post. More later...

Day One

Hello! I've decided to start an online anxiety diary (hence anxiary!). I don't actually care if anyone reads it. I'm just so sick of having anxiety that I'm exploring different avenues to try and deal with it and thought that maybe by writing about it I might get some relief. The way I see it, I'll write here when I'm feeling anxious. So, if several days go by without any postings - then hooray! - no anxiety. We'll see if this works. It's basically just going to me babbling away - don't get caught up on grammar or my flow of thought. I tend to jump around a lot. The only other thing I want to say here, is that if this can help other people - great!!! I hope so. ANXIETY SUCKS!!!